So the time has come and you’ve decided to man up and confess your feelings to your loved one! You know she or he is the one. After all, she’s been there for you, took care of you,and even helped you get through your occasionalemotional crises. There are hundreds ofreasons why you believe she is the one for you, and you can’t wait to start the rest of yourlife with her. You’ve passed the point of worrying when or how to propose and there’s just one thing left to do…. impress, or shall we say, “ask permission” from her father before you pop the question.
The tradition of asking her father for permissionmay be fading away from the western world but there are those that still honor this timeless tradition, so we thought we would help you out! These tips can be applied whether you’re asking a mom, a sibling or even your partner’s children for permission.
Many couples today seek for the blessing from the bride or groom’s family out of respect. The approval doesn’t really matter, it is just the act that counts as both the boyfriend and the father knows that even if he rejects the proposal, there is very little stopping them if they really want to get married. Besides, the approval is usually expected with a smile and “welcome to the family” hug.
Whether it’s expected of you or not, asking her father for permissioncan be a nerve-racking process for many of our Sylvie suitors.Sometimes, the father seems too intimidating or is caught off guard if he didn’t know the relationship was serious. Both situations can be very tense, which is why we’ve put together these tips to help you control the situation and ask her family with confidence.
Talk It Out With Your Girlfriend First:
Before you go asking her father for her hand in marriage, it’s best that you first talk it out with your girlfriend. Ask her about how herfamily feels about traditions, do they follow them or expect others to follow them etc.? Who knows, maybe you can evenget out of it if the family doesn’tbelieve in such traditionsand you can avoid the nervousnessall together! If that’s not the case and the family does favor a traditional blessing,then the first thing to do is find out who to ask. Her mother? Birthfather? Stepfather? You may even need to ask more than one family member to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. Next, question her about her father’s nature. Is he easy-going or a bit conservative? That will help you plan how formal or informal your proposal should be.
Include Other Family Members:
Although the tradition still holds that the groom asks the bride’s father, you can go a little modern with this depending on the family dynamic. Make it fun and special for everyone! Try including her mother, her siblings and her friends too when asking for her hand in marriage as these are all the mostimportantpeople in any girl’s life. Asking for everyone’sblessinginstead of just her fatherwill make a lasting gentlemanly impression and will win you that “fiancé of the year” award you’ve been after.
Choose The Right Words:
When it comes to pitching the proposal, be thoughtful with your words. It should be from the heart but not too rehearsed to the point where you need index cards. Try incorporating a personal story about the firsttime you saw her or how happy she makes you so that they can truly see that you value her. This isn’t a property purchasing contract, so be sure to make it as personal as it can be. The most important thing is to ensure that your words convey your loyalty and your true intentions –of loving their daughter today and forever.
The Little Tidbits:
Be on time and bring something along for the whole family such as flowers or a bottle of wine. Start the conversation with something interesting so they all are attentive to you, make mental notes of which point to say first. Pro tip * Make sure to clarify your financial standing as family members can often see this is a huge concern when it comes to their child’sfuture and wellbeing. They’ll appreciate you giving them peace of mind. If you would like, you can even ask that your girlfriend attends by your side for moral support etc. Are all some insignificant but important things to note.
Additional Do’s and Don’ts:
- Don’t just ask and run, stay for a while and use this as an opportunity to get to know her family members, otherwise they’ll think it was just a formality for you rather than a genuine request.
- Do dress to impress
- Don’t assume they’ll say yes, stay humble.
- Do make it fun! Remember how much thought you put into proposing? Be creative! Try a fun scavenger hunt! Give them clues until they find a message that says, “May I marry her?”
- Don’t talk too much. Once you’ve given your speech and asked them for permission, listen openly and attentively to their feedback or concerns. If it’s a quick “yes”, break out the champagne and celebrate. Otherwise, let them talk.
Think you’ve got it? Leave us comments or tell us your story below!